i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
