I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
