Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
