So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This house was built for laser tag.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
