So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
