i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
