The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
