in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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