A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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