We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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