My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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