Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
