I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So much rum. So many feels.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize