Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
