Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
