I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
