The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
