He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
People in love make me want to vomit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found your dick twin last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
