there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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