YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
