the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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