i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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