I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
