I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize