He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
