On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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