i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
