hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
