whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
