Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
