Too much gin, very little bucket
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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