the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
