oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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