yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
