it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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