Are we in a gay sports bar?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
