i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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