he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
