Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
