I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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