Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
