So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
