And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
