I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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