She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
