And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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