I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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