omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
