you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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