just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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