my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
