You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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