You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Less talking, more tequila
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
do nipples grow back?
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