He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I understand Curling. That high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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