This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
