I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
