I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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