I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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