So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
