So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you will always have a special place in my vag
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
