my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
