so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
