I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hippo gnu deer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
