Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize