you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
