Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize