If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize