One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
