I could have mohawked her pubes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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