Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
