You smell like a Billy Joel song
everyone is single if you try hard enough
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
