He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
