please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
