If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
