If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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