I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
