I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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