There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize