so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
