i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
