I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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