I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
