You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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