I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
