Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
