you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
