When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
