My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
