dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
