and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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