Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When are your genitals available?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
