did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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